SILENT VOICES

Now that’s a good question! How many of us can truly say yes to this unconditionally without a part of us saying no. For me a tragic circumstance, a debilitating condition and a lack of support in my relationship twelve years ago had meant that I would have said no, in fact I had switched off. Not from day to day living you understand, not from loving my children or running my world, but the inner me that was supposed to be having fun – I just wasn’t!

But something kept stirring. You know, that nagging inner voice that insisted there was more to it, that there was a way of rising above all this and finding the answer that was needed, somehow. I had always been an eternal optimist and even though life was tough I believed that something would happen. It did.

I suppose I’m like a lot of people and had always been drawn to reading ‘spiritual’ publications and had heard of ‘synchronicity’. I had looked at the images of these serene, happy, healthy looking people who meditated, but failed to see what that could possibly do with me? I had the school run, packed lunches, a dog to walk, a job to get to and a house that seemed to muddle itself! How was I possibly going to ever have the time or space to sit and contemplate my navel until I found the secret that these people in magazines obviously knew.

But sometimes something just gets your attention, a sequence of events that spark a thought and give you a nudge to do something you wouldn’t. Mine was several chance meetings with someone I was at school with, who later went to the same gym on the same day as me. Finally our daughters ended up starting school in the same class on the same day, so when I heard this lady also read tarot that was it – the appointment was made!

What happened at this meeting was the opening of a door. After a genuine and accurate reading that really helped me get my situation clear in my own mind, she calmly asked why I wasn’t reading the tarot too? Me, with all my rushing around who worked part time in a bank? Me, who was sat there needing all the advice I could soak up. Apparently so…

Now, most people reading this article may ask what relevance this has to them and what does this story have to do with my initial question, do you love life? Unless of course, there has always been within you a burning ambition to read tarot! What our weekly sessions accomplished was to create space – space to tune into that real me, space to connect with that higher energy that is referred to as many things, that I call ‘The Universe’. Over several weeks I had a general introduction to Spirit, to guides there to help us when we need them and I learned to trust my intuition. I learned about my own energy and how to protect it. I learned how to open myself up to picking up information intuitively – and then the tricky bit of remembering to close it down again. We only met for a couple of months but that was just the start I needed.

This was the point where the real test began. It’s all very well being serene and tuned in when you are sat in silence in someone else’s living room, but to draw it into your every day chaos? It wasn’t easy at first, but little things started to change. I had always hated winter and hid myself away under jumpers and blankets, but now I was looking at the world around me and seeing the beautiful, clear blue skies on frosty days and the calm and rejuvenation that seemed to be taking place. I noticed the first snowdrops appearing and everything seemed to be more full of colour than it had before; was it my imagination? I started to laugh along with my children and allow myself to drive through puddles on the school run and not to tense up when that cookie mix that glues itself to everything was picked up in the supermarket!

Like I say, little changes.

Other things started to change too. When I decided to learn Reiki I saw adverts in every shop window. When I thought about a friend who I hadn’t heard from in ages then suddenly they would ring. Little synchronicities started to sneak in that just made life a little easier somehow. I would still have bad days when things went wrong from start to finish. I had some exceptionally difficult and challenging times in my life when I really had to work at it! Generally though, my ability to laugh at things quicker, not over-react in the first place and give myself a break before judging harshly became greater. I began to look at the larger picture of my life and to notice when I was learning something. I also noticed the people around me who had always been there but instinctively said or did something to help me on my way. I also tried to do or say the right thing when others were suffering, not to sympathise but to empathise. Knowing the difference was a big learning curve for me too, not wanting to make it all go away but to know that other person was learning something on their life path and maybe they just wanted me to hold their hand or be on the end of the phone.

So these days life isn’t perfect or serene and I haven’t quite morphed into the picture from that magazine. Every day brings its own unique set of highs and lows that I now appreciate and sometimes snigger at. It’s exciting that I have a journey in front of me and haven’t learned it all already. Do I love life? Oh yes!

© Nicky Marshall 2010
www.holisticinsights.co.uk