Roller Coaster

I’ve decided to be serious this month because I’m aware that a lot of people are struggling in one way or another, and I’ve been one of them.

Life as I know it has been the equivalent of a roller coaster with the brakes on, and I haven’t known whether I’m coming or going.

I’ve been surrounded by people who really need my help and energy and I’ve offered that help happily; I wouldn’t have done anything else.

I’ve also been walking into situations that used to make me happy and comfortable, which now make me uncomfortably miserable to say the least.

I’m never normally affected by a Mercury Retrograde, in fact I actually thrive all the way through them, yet this time the list of misunderstandings due to miscommunications and people wanting to have things a certain way (even if that isn’t what I said) has been vast.

This has all troubled me because I’m not normally given to being involved in misunderstandings of any kind; I truly love my Mediumship more than anything on the planet, and my writing normally flows like money out of a wallet.

So I sat down with my Guides, my crystals, my friends and sounding boards (thank you Nicky Marshall and Shanamaya) and I tried to thrash out what the heck was going on. Because one thing I’ve learned is “If you don’t change IT then IT won’t change”.

I always capitalise that saying in that way because we tend to refuse to look at things and be specific in our lives. We come out with “something” needs to change or “it” needs to be different, we don’t take ownership of the problem by identifying it and if necessary admitting that we don’t quite know what to do.

I’ve had to make three calls today saying that the only truth I can tell people is that I don’t know what the truth is at the moment and I need to stand back and wait until I do. That is my truth.

I have identified the areas in which I’m confused, and I have identified why I’m confused, and at the moment clearing the decks is the only way forward that I can see. These are my problems, I own them, and I have to deal with them. However, no one can set my agenda.

This is an important thing to remember, when YOU have a problem you should not let anyone else provide the solution nor should you let someone else set the timetable for change. If you do either of those things then you’re failing to take ownership of your problem(s), and all the time you choose to give away your responsibility to others you also give away your life to others and the end result is that you land up living the life of others and wondering what the heck happened to all your dreams. (They will still be there waiting for you to take ownership of and responsibility for them.)

You may also find that, like me, you don’t quite know what to do going forwards. If you start by removing things from your life that aren’t working then you leave room for new things to come in to your life and refresh it. If you’re always ready to acknowledge and release the old then you will be equally ready to embrace the new and exciting possibilities that life has to offer.

Phase One: clear and release. Phase Two: watch, listen, wait, meet, greet, talk and listen. Phase Three: grab those opportunities by the throat and see what you can make of them. Repeat as often as you feel the need to.

So far I’ve moved quickly through Phase One and I’m into Phase Two. Part of Phase Two is, of course, meeting and talking to new people to see where the opportunities might lie. I can’t wait for Phase Three to kick in!

As a result of the completion of Phase One I actually have time to start creating change in my life, whereas I’ve been too busy recently fulfilling other people’s needs rather than living my own life and doing what I need to do.

You might feel afraid of that – doing what you need to do – but at the end of the day this is your life and it’s up to you to live it. If you live other people’s lives they might be very successful but you will feel cheated, and only have yourself to blame.

In the 2 hours since I made those decisions and felt the inspiration to put them on paper I’ve started designing a tour for next year with Nicky Marshall. Will we pull it off? I don’t know yet, but we’re sure as heck going to have fun finding out!

Wishing you happy days, peaceful nights, and space for your own thoughts.

Deb

© Deb Hawken 2011
www.dancing-star.org.uk