Question?

My first teaching came not as a developing Medium but using Spiritual thinking to help me change my inner and therefore outer world. It worked for me and it’s what I want to convey with my answers; I hope that because they’re in-depth everyone will find something useful in here.

To achieve balance in life we need to look at all situations:

• Logically
• Emotionally
• Spiritually

We can be too logical, too emotional, or fall into the trap of believing that the only way to look at life is with a deeply spiritual attitude that doesn’t work in the real world. This often leads my clients into a great deal of struggle that some good old fashioned realism would prevent.

We all chose to incarnate in this material, physical world in order to deal with a reality that sadly includes negative emotions and actions. However, we can learn a great deal from these situations.

To live in harmony with this world we need to respect our minds, hearts and our Spirits, and utilising all those abilities is the way to achieve balance and (whatever you consider to be) success.

The first question came via Facebook:

“Ok, I am reaching out for advice. Is it possible to be a kind and caring person without having people take advantage of you and walk all over you? “ (Shane Garner)

A thought-provoking question Shane. Applying the criterion above I would have to start by saying that:

Logical

Some people manage to rise above the general hurts of life, but for others their ability to cope is compromised and they become damaged and act accordingly. We need to look at some strategies for coping:

1. Actions speak louder than words:  We all know the right things to say and promises to make, but it is by our actions that we are revealed. So listen to what people say and then watch to see if their actions match their words.

2. Have an A, B and C List:  This is advice given to me when I went through something similar. The idea is to become realistic about the people in your life by assigning them to one of these lists. It isn’t cold and calculating, it’s just self-preservation (and only you can save you).

A List:  People you trust completely because you know them well. They have proven themselves to be trustworthy and are always there for you, it is a balanced relationship.

B List:  You don’t know these people as well. You will monitor these relationships until you are sure that the relationship is genuine. You may offer help but you will be cautions. In the meantime you have clear boundaries that you will enforce.

C List:  These are new people in your life you won’t jump in where angels fear to tread and you will be very wary if they start asking for excessive amounts of help.

Anyone you know you can’t trust doesn’t belong on any list.

This structure gives me the confidence to give everyone my automatic trust because I now watch carefully to see how people behave and base my actions on what I see not what they say, and that is what I act on.

Remember:  if you want respect and to be taken seriously don’t say what you don’t mean to act on!

3. Teach them to fish, don’t give them a fish: I love the Oxfam advert because it makes an important point. Sometimes when a person is in a mess it’s because others have constantly let them get away with things. Whereas if they meet someone who will give them good advice and the support to stand on their own two feet then they might have a chance to put their life right. So think first about being an enabler not necessarily a saviour.

Now let’s have a look at why this might be happening.

EMOTIONAL

Perhaps, like many of us, you are lonely in this life and you are looking for good friends and/or romance to fill emotional gaps.

This is why The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield is such an important book because it shows us how to manage our emotions. It teaches us to avoid manipulation and being manipulated, whilst manifesting more genuine love for others because we’re more aware and therefore don’t need to be so afraid.

In matters of friendship, love and romance apply the ‘actions speak louder than words rule’ and remember that any relationship that makes you unhappy is called purgatory not love or friendship.
 
Although we all want to be kind people we cannot afford to be over-emotional if we don’t want to attract this kind of hurt. We have to allow our mind the power to stand back and observe rather than believe that only cynical people let their mind control their heart. Our mind is designed to protect our heart.

Learn to trust your gut instinct which is part of the world of feelings. Feelings are not as confusing as emotions which can swing one way and the other too easily.

So the next time you feel your heart strings being plucked, first ask your gut instinct what it feels, your heart what it wants, and then your mind what it thinks. If they’re in agreement go ahead but if they’re not – be cautious.

SPIRITUAL (What is this person showing me about myself and my life lessons?)

Before we go any further, we need to step out of guilt and take off the stupidity hat. We’re all here to learn lessons and the important thing is to learn them. Any time spent beating yourself up is a waste of valuable study time!

We are mind, body and spirit by design. That means we are expected to think, acknowledge our feelings, accept our truth, and follow our gut instinct. So bringing logic into this situation is not unspiritual or unkind.

Whatever happens to us can be part of a greater lesson, but it’s a mistake to think everything is about you. If this has happened to you just once then it’s more than likely about the other person, but if it’s happened several/many times then there is a lesson you’re being shown.

Possible Lessons

Lack of self worth: Are you being shown that you have a tendency to be too loving and giving, which is more than likely brought about by a lack of confidence that makes you feel that you are unworthy of respect?

To undo this pattern think of yourself as a Spiritual being fully deserving of respect, the human being you see in the mirror every morning is only one small part of who you are.

The People Pleaser:  Have you been led to believe in the past that nothing you can do is good enough? Have you had a number of relationships that echo that belief in some way?

It is completely fair to apply a 50/50 rule to life where everyone gives and receives; as you apply the rule you will gradually accept it.

The Knight in Shining Armour Syndrome:  Do you try to save the world?

This may originate for past lives where you didn’t do enough for others so you’re paying back in this life. Try channelling your ‘saviour’ energy into supporting a charity or helping in the community.

Karma:  You’re trying to be a good person but forgetting about the Karma of others.

If we insist on putting up with everything everyone throws at us then we also deny the other person their life lessons. We are here to help each other walk their Spiritual path and to do so we must use kindness and honesty in equal measures.

Ignoring your gut instinct:  If your solar plexus advises caution ignore it at your peril. Nothing more to be said!

Be Warned:  The Spirit World will always send you a test to see if you have healed this situation. Once you have, life will be more positive and you will attract people who are more like the new, confident, but still kind and caring you.

I can think of more lessons available from this situation but these are the main ones.

To Shane (and anyone else suffering similarly)

Spiritually you came here to be a kind and caring person and allowing that to be destroyed by the antics of others does not benefit the world or your immortal soul one iota.

You tried to do a good thing and you need to hold on to that. Just promise yourself to trust your gut in future.

On this subject your karma is doing just fine.

Thank you for such an interesting question Shane and I hope these thoughts help.

Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights

© Deb Hawken 2011
www.dancing-star.org.uk